


The First One Witnessed

by UsatiumEdgitZouskdye



Series: Blind Phil [11]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Advice, Anger, Clint Needs a Hug, Consensual Violence, Crying, Drinking, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Roller Coaster, Excessive Drinking, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Phil, M/M, Music, Phil Needs a Hug, Promises, Protective Clint, Punching, Realization, Self-Worth Issues, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-05-02 08:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5240783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UsatiumEdgitZouskdye/pseuds/UsatiumEdgitZouskdye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint is getting to see Phil during one of his, episodes, for the first time</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There is more tags to be added, I'm just having some trouble figuring it out

Phil threw down his stuff and slammed the door with all his strength, and anger. Lucky immediately scrambled away, under the coffee table, leash and vest still on. He knew Phil was extremely mad, and that there might be a blowout. He was waiting to see what the next move was.

He watched as the man paced back and forth in front of the door, and then something else caught his eye. Natasha. The cat was cautiously making her way over to the seething man. Lucky rushed out to grab the cat by the scruff, and pull her away. She seemed to understand when Lucky blocked her from going again.

Phil crouched down and clutched his head. He tried to take deep breaths and calm down, but thinking about what that ignorant fucking stupid asshole said about him. He just couldn't do it. He stood back up with tears running down his cheeks. Tears of anger, and sorrow.

Lucky saw the water flowing down his friends face and the blank expression, breaking stuff. Lucky grabbed Natasha by her scruff again, and carried her to the spare room. He bit the cloth that was wrapped around the doorknob and pulled it shut.

Phil was on autopilot as he walked to the kitchen. He grabbed plates, and bowls, coffee mugs. Anything that would break if you threw it on the floor. As well as a bottle of, something alcoholic. But he left two of everything too. Two coffee mugs, two plates, two bowls. Just in case Clint wanted to stay after this.

With all his stuff, Phil went back to the living room. He back up against a wall, and started to throw things on the floor. Breaking everything into a barrier of broken shards around him. He put all his pent up anger, frustration, and sadness into every, single, throw. The satisfying sound of the things shattering only calmed him for a second.

Halfway through, there was pounding on his door. "Phil. What was it this time, please come talk to us."

Mrs. Johnson and her husband. "Mrs. Johnson, go away. I'm fine."

"Son, there's no need to yell. We're here if you decide you want to talk."

After Mr. Johnson said that, Phil realized he did in fact yell at them. He owed them an apology whenever this whole thing was over. He heard their door close and knew he was left to do as he pleased. So he started drinking. Turns out he grabbed the whiskey.

——– – - - – –——

Clint opened the door with a sigh. Coming home to Phil was always a relief. But then he saw the chaos. Broken shards were littered all over the floor, in a very accurate half circle. It all surrounded Phil, who was sitting against the wall. Clint didn't panic, because the man himself looked fine. But then he took a closer look.

There were dry tear tracks on Phil's cheeks. And there was half an empty bottle of whiskey in his hand. An empty bottle Clint knew was over half full. Phil also looked pretty out of it. He was staring off into the distance, they held one thing Clint dreaded seeing. Nothing.

"Phil?"

Phil's demeanor completely changed. He went from gloomy and pale with dead eyes, to joyful with color coming back to his cheeks. "Hey, babe. What's up?"

"I-I don't know. You tell me."

"Okay. I'm coming." Clint was just going to stop Phil, but Phil beat him to it. He was moving pretty slow and felt the glass before he hurt himself. "Ooh. Sharp." Phil cleared a path with his hands, and crawled out. Phil was out of the mess but he didn't stand. Instead he sat by Clint's feet and hugged his legs with a dopey smile. Nuzzling softly.

Clint gently rubbed Phil's head, and just stared. He was at a loss for words and just shocked, he didn't know what happened. Steve, who was a while behind Clint, stopped when he saw the scene through the open door. "Oh no."

"What is all of this?"

"Phil's having a moment."

Clint lowered his voice. "Well don't talk about it then. He's right here."

"He's asleep."

Clint looked down at Phil. He was limp against Clint's leg, breathing slow. "Oh. I'm gonna put him in bed. Is there anything you can help me with?"

"I think you should just leave it alone until he wants to talk to you. He won't eat, won't sleep. He won't talk, he'll just lay there and go to work. Don't try to force him to do anything. Don't bring it up. Only ask him if he wants something if you're getting something yourself."

"Got it."

"Don't tell Stacy, he has to if he wants to. The old couple on the other side have known him longer than I have, and they've helped him through this more than I have. Ask them if you have to. They've even helped him when he got depressed over some bad breakups, so they know he's gay."

"Phil's bi."

"He prefers guys, so he goes out with men. Don't test me, Son."

"You gotta stop doing that, I'm older than you. And I'll ask him myself when he starts talking."

"Fine." Steve patted Clint's shoulder. "Good luck. Lucky is probably hiding in the spare room with Natasha."

"Really?"

"A long time ago, the first time I witnessed one of these. Phil started breaking stuff, and Lucky tried to go near him. Phil tried to push the dog away, he hurt Lucky bad. One of the bigger pieces stuck him in his right side. Poor dog needed stitches. You can still feel the scar. When that happened. Phil tied a cloth to the doorknob, and taught Lucky how to hide if he started to break stuff again. Sometimes he touches the scar, I think it makes him stop so he doesn't hurt anyone."

Clint nodded and thanked Steve for the information. Steve closed the door behind him. Looking down at Phil, Clint sighed. 'What set you off?' He bent down to pick Phil up, and carry him to bed. Phil wasn't just asleep, he actually passed out.

Before he let the animals out Clint swept up the mess. He was throwing it away in the kitchen, and smiled when he turned around. Two of everything Phil had broken was sitting on the counter. He'll buy a new set of dishes later tonight.

Now that the living room was clean, he opened the door to the spare room. Natasha jumped up, and Clint caught her. Lucky inched out from under the bed. Leash, collar, vest and all still secured around his chest. "Come on, Luck. Everything's okay."

Lucky ran passed Clint into the kitchen, and around the living room. He came back in the hall, and saw that the door to the room Phil slept in was closed. Lucky sat in front of the door. He placed a paw against the door.

"Lucky." Clint warned.

The dog looked back at him, then to the door again. "Lucky. Don't."

Lucky was desperate. He started whining and scratched the door. "Lucky! Stop it. You're gonna wake him up, and he's probably feeling pretty upset right now, so I think you should stop."

Lucky stopped scratching the door but kept whining. He stood on his hind legs and pawed the doorknob. It rattled. "Lucky. No noise."

Lucky sat back. Paws still in the air. Again he rested a paw against the door, and looked over at Clint with a whine. "Will you stay quiet?"

The whining stopped and Lucky shut his mouth. Clint first took off the leash, and harness. Then the vest, and Lucky's collar. He didn't want the tags to wake Phil up. He made sure Lucky was quiet and calm before opening the door, slowly. Lucky pushed in as soon as the door opened enough for him to squeeze through. Clint watched as Lucky jumped up onto the bed as gently as he could.

The dog curled up with his right side up. Phil must've woken up at some point and went back to sleep because instead of just laying there like someone who passed out, he responded to Lucky by wrapping his arms around him. After they settled Clint made his way over to Phil. He pressed soft kisses to Phil's forehead, temple, and cheek. He left Natasha there, closing the door behind him.

It was only then that Clint let anything show. He sighed deeply and dropped to knees. He leaned forward, resting his head on his folded arms. After a moment to himself, Clint got up to go next door. He's never actually talked to the old couple, just little hellos. When they opened the door, Clint got flustered. He didn't know way he came over, and he was actually pretty shaken up about Phil. So now he had to make something up. "Um. Hi. I'm, I'm Phil's, your neighbor. I'm his, boyfriend. I'd just, like to apologize. For him, for the noise. And. Maybe, do you know. What caused it? I, I've never. This is the first time I've seen him do this and-"

"Calm down." The older woman cut Clint off. "It's fine, and we don't know what caused it this time. But please do let us know if you find out. He seemed like he was mad about something. Maybe something happened at work. Oh, and a few words of advice. Try acting like it didn't happen, and don't leave him alone. Let him know you're still with him. I assume you're also on your way to get new dishes?"

"Yes ma'am."

The older man smiled and spoke for the first time. "Take care of that one. He's been broken and left in pieces too many times to count. We've never seen him so happy. Now, he does think your too good for him and all that stuff from his previous relationships. He's told us this. I think that boy is special. He's strong and brave, but his past has made him also delicate, and fragile. That boy is like a son to me. He doesn't know this. But we were close to his parents. They asked us to watch him, but from a distance. Anyway. My point is that. He deserves some stability in his life. He doesn't deserve the pain he's gone through. But he finds a way to blame himself. Protect and care for him. But don't shelter him from the world."

Clint let his words sink in. "I've already decided I'm staying with him through anything, and everything. I think he deserves happiness, and love. And I love making him happy. I love him. And what his parents asked you. I guess that means you'll come after me if I hurt him."

"Oh we will hunt you down dear. We will hunt you down. And so will everyone else who knows him." She said it with the sweetest smile.

Clint nodded. "I will gladly hand myself over."

They nodded approvingly, then told him to have a nice day, sending him on his way. Clint returned with new set of dishes and put them away quietly. Then he made his way to the bedroom. Lucky was under the bed, Natasha was on Phil's stomach, and Phil was on his back. Spread out like a starfish, blinking slowly. Clint got himself calmed down. And made his way over to the bed. Phil tracked him and scooted over so he had room on the bed.

Clint plastered himself to Phil's side. One leg hooked over Phil's leg, and one arm thrown over Phil's chest. "Can I have a kiss?"

Phil was confused, but nodded.Clint pressed a kiss to Phil's cheek. Then he did it again. Those two kisses turned into multiple kisses in rapid succession. Normally Phil would smile, laugh, playfully push Clint away, or even return some of the kisses. But he just kept laying there. Blank expression. Skin drained of the color it once held. Dull eyes void of anything and everything. A shell of his former self. It was haunting.

Clint was scared.


	2. Chapter 2

Phil was still awake. He hadn't moved. But. Even though everyone thought he didn't do anything when these things happened, they were kind of wrong. He just moved at night. No he didn't eat, yes he did just lie around and go to work. Did he sleep. Only if it was because he passed put from drunkenness. But, he went to the bathroom and drank water. As it was the water made him, queasy. Eating actually made him throw up. He's tried it before.

He didn't know what time it was. But he got up to go to the bathroom, and then to the kitchen. He ran his hand across the counter to see if the stuff he left was still there, but they weren't. So he opened the cabinet to grab a cup. To his surprise, there was the same amount of dishes as before he broke all that stuff. It was surprising, yes. But it didn't make him smile, not even a little one. He just, want feeling it.

Instead he grabbed a cup, got some water, dried the cup, and put it back with the others. He was going to go back to bed, but he had no reason to. So he busted out more alcohol. Vodka this time. Honestly. He wasn't thinking about consequences. He just, needed a relief from his thoughts. But he just couldn't do his preferred coping mechanism because, no one knew about it. And that was not something he was comfortable with yet.

He didn't feel that bad though. Yeah he was in a shit mood because of the little asshole that joined the office today. But. Maybe after a day he'd tell Clint about it. Maybe.

But for now. Bottoms up.

==================

The next morning Phil woke up on the couch. He found his phone to get the time, and got dressed. He didn't wait for Clint, just got Lucky. And left for work. When he reached his office he sent Clint a text saying he was at work. He stayed in his office. Only leaving to take Lucky out.

He thought today was going to be a good day. He thought he'd be able to tell Clint about what happened. But no. The exact same thing that set him off happened again. But he didn't say anything this time either. Phil just went back to his office, worked till he couldn't anymore, then walked home at the end of the day. He was even more pissed off and hurt than yesterday, but wasn't letting it show. He'd take it out on the dishes.

When Phil got home, he went straight for the kitchen. But strong arms wrapped around him before he could get there, and he flinched, really bad. Clint apologized but didn't let go, held on tighter. But Phil wanted to be alone right now. So he pushed at Clint's chest thinking he would let go. No such luck. So he started to struggle harder. Pushing Clint, trying to pull himself out of Clint's hold. He got desperate and started to hit Clint. Punching him in the chest and stomach.

Phil was letting out little desperate sounds. Every hit, and sound, broke Clint's heart. Phil wanted to get away from him that badly? But, he calmed himself down. Phil was just upset about something. So Clint actually smiled. A real smile. Because he knew Phil was holding back his strength. "Let it out, Phil. Take it out on me. Hit me as hard as you want, as hard as you need. Cry if you need to, or if you want to. Do whatever you want. Except leave my arms."

Phil wanted to keep it all in, do what he needed to do to be alone. He didn't want to say anything but he couldn't take it. Any longer and he might actually do what Clint told him to do. "Let me go." His voice was weak and soft. Hallow sounding.

"No. Never. I'll never let you go. I will hold onto you, forever and always."

That broke Phil. He let out a strangled noise and started fighting harder. Really punching Clint this time. Actually hitting him with all the frustration and everything else he had bottled up. Extremely loud thumps making themselves known every time Phil's fist connected with Clint's chest. Clint refused to make a sound. It hurt like hell but he didn't want Phil to stop.

He needed to get it out of his system, and Clint would gladly be a punching bag. And making a noise would make Phil feel bad about it. But Clint was volunteering basically. He knew there'd be bruises and he'd be in so much pain later, but it was all worth it to make Phil feel better. Whatever it was that pushed him as far as actually hitting Clint, of all people, this hard. It pissed Clint off. But he held on.

For three, hours. Clint held Phil. And for three hours. Phil punched Clint's chest as hard as he could. For three hours this is all that happened. Clint letting Phil punch him in the chest, and sometimes ribs. Clint didn't care about time though. This could go on for more hours, days, weeks, months, years. As long as Phil needed. What finally stopped it was Phil telling Clint to let him go again. This time he sounded like he'd been crying for hours, but he hadn't shed a tear yet.

Clint responded a few minutes later after he was completely sure he'd sound normal and not in pain. "I told you. I'm never letting go."

Finally, Clint finally got what he wanted after that. Phil started to cry, really letting it all go. Clint just cupped the back of Phil's head, tucking it in the spot between his shoulder and his neck. Phil sobbed. Tears that just tore his throat raw with the uncontrollable noises that got ripped from it. Phil managed to force words out, he was yelling but, that didn't matter.

"Yes you will. You're going to leave just like everyone else because I'm useless."

Clint didn't say anything yet, just pulled Phil closer now that he could. Two more hours of Phil just, seemingly letting out years of pain all at once. He didn't stop on his own, he would've kept going, in fact he still kind of was. But the tears had stopped. Phil had cried to the point where no more tears would flow. Eventually the noises stopped too. At that point Clint carried Phil to their room.

He changed Phil out of his suit into the softest clothes he could find. A pair of Phil's pajama pants, and one of Clint's shirts. While Clint was changing Phil, he talked to him. "Who said that to you?" He couldn't stop the absolute anger that that managed to seep very slightly into his words.

Phil shook his head, lifting his arms so Clint could put his shirt on him. "Okay. Who said that, about you?"

Yep, that was it. Someone's been talking about Phil. Clint could tell by the way Phil looked down when he asked. "Tell me. Or I'll show up to your job and interrogate everybody." Clint couldn't be more serious right now.

Phil scooted up on the bed. "A new guy. Came in yesterday. He was getting a tour of the place. The person walking him around pointed me out. Said, that's Phil Coulson. Our number one in this company even though he's blind. And the new guy laughed. He said, number one? You guys say that to make him feel like he's good for something don't you? He's blind, how does he know if he's doing the work right? If we have a power outage he's fucked. He depends on a computer. Basically useless, what a waste of time, space, and money. And today. He saw me leave to walk Lucky. When I came back. I heard him say I really was a waste because I have to leave to take care of a dog. And that everyone had to watch out for my needs because I can't see. I started thinking about, the past, and being a burden, because so many of my exes said stuff like that to me. Then I started thinking about how some people felt bad and pitied me, tried to baby me. Then the others who just didn't help at all. The things he said, triggered my memories. So I thought about how everyone ends up leaving me because I really am just a burden. Look at how I acted over this. Something so small-"

Clint cut him off by pulling him into a hug. "Sleep." Phil nodded and hesitated when they were both laying down. Clint pulled him close. "This isn't small. If it means something to you it's not small. I'm here, with you, right now. And I will be. I will never let you go. He may think you're useless and a burden, but I need you, I love you."

Clint continued to gently talk to Phil well into the night. Telling him how much he loved and needed him. How much he meant to him. Why he needed him so much, and loved him so much. Just sweet things to ease Phil's mind until he fell asleep.

He slipped away to take Lucky's gear off, then climbed back into bed. Phil immediately clung to him in his sleep. Clint looked down at the sleeping man clinging to him. Phil really was completely traumatized by his previous relationships. Clint had trouble thinking about one person treating his sweet Phil bad enough to leave an impact on him for the rest of his life, but more than one. That just seemed impossible. Phil was such a sweetheart. What could he have done to make anyone treat him like anything but something special. Clint just could not for the life of him wrap his mind around it. But for now. He'd think about all the ways to hurt the fucker who pushed his boyfriend to this.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd be really grateful if you guys helped me out with something. Do you think Phil has mental health issues? The more i think about it. It's almost like he does have some issues, but then at the same time, I can't think of any that he would really be considered to have
> 
> Let me know what you think please

The next morning when Clint woke up, exhaustion, and pain struck, full force since he only slept for an hour, and he let Phil is him as a punching bag. He had to force himself to stay calm when Phil pressed against his chest to sit up. He had to force himself to talk normally too. "You go ahead babe. I'm coming." Clint clenched his eyes and jaw as he sat up. He slowly made his way to the bathroom, Phil was probably sitting on the couch.

Clint stood in front of the mirror and lifted his shirt with some difficulty. Sure enough, bruises. His chest was just littered with different shades of bruising. The majority was on his left side which sucked, since he was left handed. It especially sucked when he realized that Phil got his ribs, a lot more than he thought he did. He'd just have to fake being okay for the next, few weeks or so.

He made it out to the living room, taking Phil's hand in his, Lucky on Phil's other side. Natasha trailed behind, deciding she wanted to follow Clint today. When they were in the elevator Clint leaned against a wall. "Hey Phil. Mind if I stay with you today?"

Phil shook his head, he didn't feel like talking yet. Clint pulled Phil closer when the elevator stopped to let more people on. Natasha climbed up Clint's pants to his shoulder. Clint used the opportunity to let out a small pained noise. Phil picked his head up to look at him. Clint just squeezed his hand softly.

Clint followed Phil to his office, helping Phil get settled. After that he sat on the couch, Natasha and Lucky waiting to see what he was doing. "Babe?"

Phil looked over.

"Mind if I sleep for a little while?"

Phil shook his head.

Clint looked at him for a little longer. Still pale, eyes still empty and dull. He looked a little weak too. But that was expected, Phil hadn't been eating over the past three days. Clint knew it wasn't all going to go away just like that just because he said some sweet words, even though they were true. It'd take some time. And Clint needed to sleep.

========================

Phil listened. He just listened to Clint walk around, to him talk, his breathing. He's hurt. Phil knew, that he hurt Clint really bad. With how hard he was hitting him, and for so long, without a doubt. Without a doubt Clint was in pain. And he was hiding it, just for Phil's sake. Just to make sure Phil didn't feel bad about it. Realizing that, opened something up inside of Phil. Something released. His heart didn't feel so heavy.

Clint was willing to take pain for him, to actually let Phil cause him pain just because he needed to release some anger. Just because he felt upset. And still stay with him. Phil's been afraid of Clint ending up like all the others, but this seemed to be, the key that showed Phil that. Clint wasn't going to end up like the others. He just wasn't like them. At all.

Phil heard Clint take a deep breath, signaling he was awake. It took him a little while to catch himself, but when he did, he felt way better. Still in pain. But better. Then he remembered he and Steve's little debate. "Hey Phil. You're bi, right?"

Phil kind of paused for a while. Clint just, wanted to be with him, just because it was him. He could trust Clint with everything. He might have issues with, another thing only two people in the whole world knew, but. They'd cross that rode when they get there. So he talked. "Yes I'm bisexual, but I prefer guys. Why?"

Clint had the widest smile on his face. Phil was talking. But Clint didn't want to make a big deal out of it just in case Phil shuts down again. So he took it all in stride. "Steve insists that you're gay because you prefer guys."

"I don't think that's how that works. I'm sexually attracted to men and women so that makes me bi. I think I've dated the same amount of each gender, I just. Like being treated a certain way, and that's more in tune with how a guy would treat me so, I have a preference for guys."

Clint smiled. "Oh really?" Clint got up to stand behind Phil, leaning down to hug him. "How do you like to be treated?" He pressed a kiss to Phil's cheek. 

Phil smiled too. He actually smiled. "You should ask Stacy. She's better at explaining it."

Clint laughed a little. He stayed there, hugging Phil from behind, for two reasons. One, he was so happy Phil realized that Clint was there for him. Since the very beginning Clint felt like he needed to prove something to Phil. This was it. He had to prove that he was in it, for forever. He had to prove that Phil could trust him completely. The second reason he didn't stand. Well he couldn't.

"Phil."

"Mhm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Sh. Not done yet. I love you, but. I will never let you punch me multiple times in the same spot for hours on end."

Phil laughed. "I knew it. I knew you were hurt. I'm sorry, but you volunteered as punching bag."

"I know I know. You've got a hell of a hit."

"Thank you. I'll take care of you for the next few weeks. But hey, the whole breaking stuff. I can't just stop. I've been doing it for so long-"

"Shh shh. I know. It's fine. I don't expect you to stop unless I get to you first. I'd rather you not. So we don't have to buy a new set of dishes every time. But. If you need to, and you do it. I have one request."

"Hm?"

"Tell me what set you off after you calm down. If. If you can. I understand you've got a lot of personal shit that you might not feel comfortable telling me right away. But, I'd like to know."

"I'm warning you now there's one more thing. I don't know when it'll happen, or if I'll tell you at all. Only two people know about it."

"We'll cross that road when we get there. Together."

"Of course."

"I'm telling Fury."

"What?"

"I'm telling him what happened. And you, are taking me to him."

"You're going to willingly talk to him?"

"In this situation, yes."

Phil sighed. "Fine. I'll take you there during lunch. I still probably can't hold down food. Water makes me queasy as it is."

"We can try some jello later."

"Okay. Now go sit. Sleep some more. I need to work."

Clint kissed Phil's cheek again but went to sit down. He took out his hearing aids, putting them in a little pouch he put on Natasha's collar when they went out. He slowly slipped back to sleep.

========================

Lunch time came up pretty quickly, so Phil woke Clint up, and took him to Fury's office. Phil announced himself to make sure Fury wasn't busy. When he got the all clear he pulled Clint in behind him.

"What?"

Phil made Clint sit down and took a seat next to him. "Well. Clint thinks you should know. That I had. I guess you could call it a meltdown. That thing that you say I'm bat shit crazy for."

"Your little freak out temper tantrums."

"Fuck you. Anyway. I had a moment, because. The new guy that started working here a few days ago. Was saying some stuff that basically added up to saying that I'm useless. And you know, my past and my issues with that. Clint thought you should know."

"Why isn't he telling me then, he's sitting right there."

"You scare him."

Fury looked at Clint.

So Clint took this as his chance. "It's just that, this is the first time I've ever seen Phil do something like this. The fact that someone did something to him, that pushed him that far. It pisses me off. And since the person who pushed him that far is someone who works here I felt like you should know about that."

"Coulson. Give us a minute."

Phil nodded, squeezing Clint's hand and getting up to wait outside with Lucky. It was just Clint and Fury now. Fury started first. "What did he do?"

"Broke every dish in the house, but left pairs of each. Drank almost a whole bottle of whiskey. Was gonna do it again yesterday but I got to him before he could. I let him punch me in the chest and ribs for three hours. Then he cried for two hours until no more tears came out. I just got him really talking."

Fury nodded. "What did he say caused it?"

"Apparently some little fuck that just started working here said he was basically useless because he was blind. I want you to know. Because they're your employees. And what he's saying, is making Phil lose sleep. He slept a lite last night, wouldn't stop waking up. If Phil loses sleep, he might not be able to work properly. And that's trouble for the company."

"I appreciate you telling me. Something will be done about this. Take care of him, he's my best employee."

"Thank you." Clint got up to leave, finding Phil sitting on a bench outside with Lucky. Clint gently took Phil's hand in his, helping him up.

Phil was leading them back to his office. "Hey Clint. What if he was right? What if Nick does tell me I'm number one just to keep me from going into some kind of depression?"

"Phil. Would Fury ever lie to you?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Would he ever lie to you about something like that."

"...No."

"So, see. And he even told me to take care of you because you're his best employee."

"He did?"

"Yeah. Stop thinking about that asshole. Just try to get through today, and I'll do whatever you want when we get home."

"You do that everyday. You're the one who's hurt."

"No. I've had way worse. You get all settled. Take as long as you need to. And don't try to lie and say you're fine just to take care of me."

"Okay."

For the rest of the day Clint slept until it was time to go home. At that time, Clint was holding Phil's hand again, walking a step in front of him since he knew where they were going. In his other hand, he carried Natasha. Phil followed closely behind. He was, not happy, but not sad either. Just neutral. Happy that he opened up a little more to Clint. But still upset by what it took for him to do it.

He was sure that there'd be another blowout, he could feel it. And, Phil thought he knew what the next one would be about. But he just couldn't help it, for some reason, he was ashamed of the other secret he was hiding. Phil pushed aside those thoughts, opting to leave it alone until it happened.

"Wow. He needs an escort now too? Really, that guy probably has better things to do than help someone who already has a guide dog. That's just sad. Poor guy is stuck helping someone who just isn't worth it."

Phil froze, letting Clint's hand slip out of his. He just, stopped. Clint turned to look back at Phil whose head was down. Atoms hanging limply by his sides. "Phil? What's wrong?"

"...Nothing. I just remembered i have more work to do. Please take Lucky home with you."

"Take him home wi- no. What? No I'll just wait till you're done, and then we can-"

"No. Please, just go home, take Lucky with you. I'll see you later."

"Phil." Clint reached out, but Phil had already started to walk away, and Clint didn't want to make a scene at Phil's job. So, he pulled his hand back to himself, took Lucky's leash, and went home. When he got home, he took Lucky's gear off, Natasha's little pouch he used to put his hearing aids in when they weren't home, and pulled out his phone. He sat on the floor, back pressed against the door, phone held in his hand.

Clint sighed and let his head drop forward onto his knee. He wanted his Phil back. But this was a part of Phil too, this was something he just had to get used to and figure out how to help Phil with it.

Phil was sitting in his office, he had done more work for a while, but eventually he moved to sit on the couch. He called Stacy.

'Hey baby brother, what's up?'

Phil sniffled. "I had two meltdowns."

Phil, told her, everything. Everything up to the second he called her in that moment. Every single little detail, every feeling, thought, action. He told her how he felt, what he did, why he did what he did, everything.

Stacy took it all in stride. She knew this, knew all about Phil's past and how it permanently fucked up his mind. She was his rock after all, since a certain someone couldn't always be there, but that was someone to talk about another time. When Phil finally stopped talking, she noticed one thing, and had one question.

"What about Clint?"

There was a pause. 'What?'

"What, about, Clint? It sounds like he's there for you, and will do anything for you. Putting his own health at risk like that just so you can let out some bad feelings."

'Well, yeah, I know. But Stacy, I. For some reason I still feel, scared. You know I can't just flip the switch as soon as something happens.'

"Oh Phil I know. Believe me, I know. But my point is. I know you're going through this and it's incredibly hard on you mentally, emotionally, physically. I know Phil. But, you're not being very fair, and being kind of selfish. I thought I taught you better than that. You want him to hold you and care for you, take care of you and be there for you, love you and help you. It's almost like you want him to be there at the drop of a hat. Just drop everything to be there for you. I know that's not true, because that's just not you. But, what about him. He's trying to be there for you, but you're pushing him away. I get that you're afraid of getting too close because you don't want to get hurt because you love Clint more than you've loved anyone else before. But, he has feelings too. This is probably taking a toll on him too."

'Stacy. I. I don't mean it, I just. I can't help it.'

"I know. How many times do i have to say I know. Phil, I know more than he does, so believe me. I know. You can't stop. You're too. Your past fucked you up too much for it to be fixed. You're way beyond a case that anyone would even consider to classify you as even a little bit fixable. No, you are way too far gone."

'Well, thanks for basically saying that I'm a lost cause.'

"Well, that's kind of what you are. I'm telling you to go to Clint. Let him help you, because helping you makes him feel worth something. Have you really never noticed that he has just as many issues as you? On top of being in love with you, and thinking that you are the most precious thing in the world that didn't deserve the shit you got before. He's got self worth issues, which contributes to making him feel obligated to prove himself to you. He asks you for permission to do stuff because he's so devoted to making sure you're okay. You're afraid of him breaking it off and leaving, you're afraid to be abandoned. So is he. Dammit Phil. You're smarter than this. You were both treated terribly, you both have abandonment issues. So you lock yourself away to avoid that happening, he did that too. The only difference between the two of you, is that is abandonment happened throughout his childhood, and teenage years. Yours is more recent, from your what, twenties to now? He knows what it feels like. You know what it feels like. So stop pushing him away,let him help you, help him back, and fucking open up. I know it's going to take a while, but you have to. It's the only way to make sure he doesn't get fed up with you. The more you hide things, the more he's going to try and find them out to help you. But at some point he may get frustrated. You don't want that do you?"

'No.'

"Do you get what I'm saying Pip?"

'Yes ma'am. Stop acting like an idiot.'

"Exactly. Now the whole music thing. I don't expect you to just tell him considering how deep it is for you, but. Just get the blowout, out of the way with. Get it all over with, and I expect to see you both next week. Is that understood Phillip Coulson?"

'Yes ma'am.'

"Good. Now go take care of each other."

'Thank you for making me realize I'm an idiot. Love you too. See you next week.'

Stacy hung up with a sigh. Her husband looked at her with a raised brow.

"Phil's being dumb again. Expect a call about him sometime within the next two days."

"Okay then."


	4. Chapter 4

Phil sat for a while, thinking about what Stacy had said, letting it sink in. His phone rang with Stacy's ringtone. "Yes?"

'The next meltdown. It's about the Music thing, isn't it?'

"Yeah. It's just so. Such a stupid thing. And what it made me do to you. I'm afraid to do it. I don't want to hurt Clint again."

'It's the only thing that really gets it all out of your system, Phil. It scares you. Because it's another thing you have to ask for someone to set aside time for you, just so you can do it.'

"And what if I do what I did to you. That, I still have nightmares about that. They're not really bad, but they just, bother me."

'You know what you can do? When you're all headed for bed. That's when you can do it. Because that way you're sure that if you feel anything like hands touching you, you know it's not Clint's, since he holds you when you guys sleep.'

"Stacy. Thank you."

'Oh, and before you do it, write a note saying that I'm buying you guys new dishes. They should be in, in a day or two.'

"Write, a note."

'Don't give me that shit Phil, I know you can write.'

Phil smiled. "I have to go home. I'll see you in a few days. And you know what, don't buy the dishes. I think I'm gonna tell him."

'Oh, okay. Good luck. Be good. Bye.'

"Tell everyone I said hello. Okay, bye."

Phil got up, gathered what he had to, and started to head home, using his stick since he made Clint take Lucky with him. It was a simple walk home. When he stepped through the door, deliberately loud footsteps slowly approached him from the couch.

Slowly and extremely gently, like if he moved too fast Phil would run, Clint slid an arm around Phil's waist. And just as slowly he pushed the door closed with his other hand till it clicked shut quietly. He brought that hand down to the small of Phil's back, slowly running it up until he was holding the nape of Phil's neck. He pulled him close.

Phil dropped his stick to wrap his arm around Clint's neck.

No one said anything. No one moved. They just held each other close. After a few minutes Clint tightened his hold, pulling Phil closer. "Please. Stop pushing me away. Let me help you. I know it's hard. You've never had someone to open up to like this in a relationship before. But please. I'm here. Don't push me away anymore."

"I'm trying, Clint. And I'm sorry. I called Stacy. Told her what happened. And she, called me a selfish idiot. Because I wasn't being fair to you. I'm trying. But it's going to take, time."

"I know it is. I know."

Just for a while longer they held each other till Clint pulled back. He framed Phil's face with his hands, not sure if Phil was up for kissing yet, so he just touched their foreheads together. He didn't do this for long, opting to just hug Phil again. "Stacy texted me. She said theirs going to be another one, and I should just let you do it if I'm there while it's happening."

Phil nodded. "There might be another one. I really. It's stupid. It's over something that's just, so, easy. But it's so hard for me to do and it means a lot to me, but I'm afraid to do it too."

"I'm sure it's not stupid. How about this. You do what you need to do. And then, come to me about it after. I won't laugh, or think it's pathetic, or anything like that."

"I know you won't. But I just can't help but think about it happening."

"Do you know why you can't trust me?"

"No. I do trust you. But at the same time. I'm afraid to. So, I don't trust you."

That hurt. It sent a pang of pain through Clint's heart. But Phil had his reasons, he had to. They just didn't really know what it was. "Well. We can work on it. We will work on it. But, just go change. Forget about it for as long as you can before the next problem. When is that one happening, if it happens?"

"I'm not sure. Tomorrow, the day after. Within the next two days."

"Okay. Go change. Don't want your suit to get messed up somehow."

Phil nodded and headed to the bedroom to change into something soft. And one of Clint's shirts. Clint couldn't help but smile when he saw Phil come out wearing one of his purple shirts. Phil went straight for the couch, clearly still not ready to eat. But Clint got some jello and pudding on his way home, just to see if Phil could maybe hold it down. "Hey Phil, you wanna try eating some jello?"

"Sure, I can try."

Clint came out with a little cup of jello, and a spoon. Phil was sitting sideways on the couch, back against the armrest, knees pulled up to his chest. Clint sat facing him, one leg bent at the knee, the other foot on the floor. He handed over the jello. Phil ate a little slowly, taking some time between each bite to see how he was feeling. Clint needed to know though. "Working out okay?"

Phil nodded.

"Good. Think you can try something a little heavier later?"

"Maybe. We'll see. How're you doing with that?" Phil gestured to Clint's upper body.

"Well. I took some pain killers earlier, so. I'm okay for now."

"How bad is it?"

"Bruised my ribs. Across my chest, and the left side of my ribs."

Phil sighed. "You're left handed."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"I volunteered, and told you to do it."

"I'll take care of you. I just need to think about my next issue. If I'm going to tell you before I freak out or not. But, only two people know about it."

"Don't tell me then. Not until you have to."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am. You stayed back at work for another, two hours. What happened?"

"He said something again. While we were walking out. So, I went back to my office instead of freaking out again."

"He did? Fuck, I missed it. I would've put him in his place."

"Clint, you're hurt. You can't do too much activity for a while."

"I could've still kicked his ass."

"I know you could have." Phil set the empty cup of jello on the coffee table. They sat together for another hour, Clint watching TV, and Phil listening to it. Once that hour was up, Clint went to get a pudding cup for Phil to try.

"Here. Try eating this."

Phil ate just as slowly as the first time. He seemed to be slowing down after each spoon. Clint caught on. "Gonna stick with the jello for a while?"

"Yeah."

"Want me to finish the pudding?"

"Yes." Phil held put the little cup for Clint to take.

After finishing that, they sat quietly again until Clint started to yawn, signaling bed time. Clint had to sleep on his back to keep pressure off his chest and side. Phil laid with his back pressed to Clint's least bruised side. Clint slept pretty okay, but Phil.

Phil didn't sleep okay at all. He woke up multiple times throughout the night from nightmares. Every nightmare different, but surrounding one thing. His next issue.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I know this is super late. But I've been sick and I haven't been up to writing. I'm just getting better now. I'm actually pretty, apprehensive, about this chapter and the whole idea. But, it's too late to back out now. Oh well

Phil went into work the day after talking with Stacy. It was an uneventful day. Now it was the next day.

Fury made his telltale knock, then stepped inside Phil's office, Lucky coming up to say hi. "Time to go home, Coulson."

Phil snapped out if his daze, he didn't even hear the knock. "Already? Do I have any more paperwork?"

"No, get out, go home. Something's bothering you, and you would've already talked to me if you were comfortable with talking about it."

Phil smiled. "Always trying to rush me home. Fine, I'll go. I thought you liked having me around, but I guess not."

"Coulson." Fury warned.

"I'm going. Hand me Lucky, please." The leash was placed in his hand, as well as his folded up cane. "Thanks for coming to get me, Nick."

"If I didn't, I know you'd sit here till Clint called you."

"You're probably right."

"I am right. You did it yesterday."

"Oh yeah."

Fury walked Phil down, and outside the office building. Making sure nothing happened to his friend as long as he was there. But walking home, Phil was on his own with Lucky.

He knocked on Steve's door to let him know he was home. Steve was sick so he stayed home. Phil was settled on the couch with Natasha on his stomach when his phone rang. "Hello?" He wasn't paying attention to the ringtone, so he didn't know who it was.

'Hey, are you home?' Clint's voice filtered through.

"Yeah, Nick came to my office and told me it was time to go home."

'Good, good. You sound tired.'

"Not tired, just bored." Natasha meowed into the phone as he yawned.

Clint chuckled. 'Natasha says otherwise.'

"Natasha likes to get me in trouble, the little traitor." Phil scratched Natasha's side.

'So she rat you out a couple times, doesn't mean she's a traitor.'

"Yes it does."

'...You're right it does. I'll be home soon. Love you.'

"Alright. Love you too, bye." Phil turned on his side, holding Natasha to his chest, dangling one hand over the couch to pet Lucky. Honestly, there was something he wanted to do, but he couldn't. But it was something, that if anyone knew about it, they'd probably laugh at him.

Phil wanted to listen to music. And okay, yeah it sounds trivial, and dumb, and just silly, but for him. It was just like the swimming thing. Music opened a door that gave him the opportunity to let go. It was one of the only things that calmed him down when he was getting used to being blind.

But it soon backfired on him. He can't focus on the music and letting go, if he's listening out for everything else. And if he just goes ahead and listens to it, anything could happen because he's not paying attention. He seriously hurt Stacy that way when he was staying with her for a while.

She came in while he was sitting by himself. And, she tried to shake him. Phil freaked out and fractured her wrist, and he locked himself away for it. He doesn't want to hurt anybody, just because he feels like he has to listen to music. It frustrated him beyond belief.

Steve doesn't know about this urge, and Clint is the last person Phil wants to know. The only person that does know is Stacy, and her husband Rick. Not even their kids knew about it.

Natasha looked at Phil for a while. He was breathing hard, chest heaving. She didn't know what the problem was until tears started to leak from the closed lids.

She meowed, pawing at the man's cheek. She jumped down onto Lucky, making the dog jump up. Natasha meowed at the dog, pointing her nose up at the figure on the couch.

Lucky knew what was going on. He's been through Phil's rare but somewhat violent episodes. He stood on his hind legs, licking at his friends face, and whining.

Phil bolted up right, panting. Tears still ran down his face, emotions still churning inside of him. He had the intense desire to let go, but the equally intense fear of being found out or hurting someone. He felt like he was just learning to be blind all over again.

Lucky nudged Natasha, and ran to the spare room to hide from the loud noises to come. Once the cat was inside the room with him, he bit the rag tied around the doorknob, and pulled the door shut.

Phil got up, stumbling slightly. He needed to be alone. If someone came to him now, he'd just think about them leaving, pitying, or laughing at him. He stumbled into the kitchen, tripping over everything just like when he first tried walking around after waking up blind. He was going to grab anything he could break. But he stopped himself.

Instead he just sat down, backing up against a wall. Phil took another deep breath, more tears falling down his face. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, calling Clint. "Clint. Could you come home, please?"

\--------

After the call Clint closed up as fast as he could and hurried home. He unlocked the door and rushed inside. He didn't see Phil in the living room, so he ran to the bedroom, nothing. Then he ran to the spare room, Lucky and Natasha came out, but no Phil. The kitchen. He was moving so fast he ran into the wall. Phil jumped at the sound, hugging his knees closer.

Sure enough, there he was. Phil sitting backed up against the wall, hugging his knees to his chest and crying. Clint took careful, quiet steps forward. Phil's head came up at the sound of his boots, his usually bright eyes looked dull, and empty again. Clint sighed. 'Just when the color and brightness was just coming back to them.' He thought. There were dried tracks of tears down his cheeks too. Slowly Clint lowered himself to his knees.

"Oh, Phil."

"Don't treat me like a child."

"No, no." Clint carefully placed a hand on the man's cheek. "That'll just make it worse."

Phil leaned into the touch. "Come on, switch places with me. Then we'll talk if you want."

Phil nodded and let Clint sit against the wall. Clint pat his thigh, a signal they had when he wanted Phil to sit in his lap. "C'mere. Just be careful though." Clint pulled Phil forward till he was in his lap, knees on either side of Clint's waist. Clint then drew his knees up so his feet were flat on the ground, thighs flush against Phil's butt. Phil hugged Clint, gently leaning into his hold and tucking his face Clint's neck.

Clint slipped a hand up the back of Phil's shirt, he felt like Phil needed something more than just being held. So, skin to skin contact was a safe bet since he didn't know if Phil would be comfortable with kissing right now. With his other hand Clint gestured for Lucky to come closer so he could take off his gear.

"Wanna just sit here for a bit, then maybe you can tell me about it?"

Phil didn't respond. Just kind of pressed closer but didn't say anything.

"Talk to me. You told me this would happen two days ago. So, what is it? I'll ask Stacy if you don't tell me."

"She won't tell you."

"Try me."

Phil was quiet for a while. Clint was serious. "It's stupid and silly and you're going to think I blew it way put of proportion and that I'm overreacting and being irrational."

"Tell me. Is it a secret?"

"Yes."

"Something about coping with what's been going on?"

"Yes."

"Tell me."

"You have to promise not to laugh. You can be mad. Just don't laugh."

"I wont. Phil you know about my past. I shoot targets with a bow and arrow. No one really tales it that seriously. Can't get much more embarrassing than that."

"Remember when I told you I lived with Stacy and her husband for a while?"

"Yeah."

"Well. Before that. Before."

"Just get it out. Don't think about it just tell me."

Phil shifted. "When I was just getting used to the whole blind thing. It was, it was hard, extremely stressful, and sometimes I just needed to let go. One day. I was, crying. Because. I was so angry that I couldn't just, sit there and let go. Because I had to put all my effort into listening and getting used to not being able to see. I didn't feel normal anymore. So, the one thing that made me feel normal. Was..."

Phil had trailed off. Now he was just sitting there. "Tell me. I couldn't possibly laugh at you. You were going through something life changing. You had to rethink your way of living. You didn't feel like a normal person anymore, and you have one thing that made you feel normal again. One thing that calms you down when you're not feeling like yourself. No matter what it is, I couldn't possibly laugh at you."

Phil took a deep breath. Shuddering as it came out. "Music. Stacy came in while I was crying and I told her how I was feeling. She took out some ear buds, and gave me her phone to listen to whatever I wanted. She thought of that because, our parents, whenever someone was upset about something, used to play music and hold us to make us feel better. So, I thought it'd work. And it did. I just closed my eyes, and then I could pretend. Pretend that I could still see, and that I just had my eyes closed."

"You need to listen to music to calm down and make you feel, whole again. Why would I laugh?"

"Because it's so. Dumb. It's such a small thing, and yet I freaked out over it liked this. It's childish and didn't need this huge blowout. It's. Anticlimactic."

Clint paused. That wasn't it. That wasn't the only thing. "You're hiding something."

"...I'm afraid to do it anymore."

"Why does it scare you?"

Phil didn't respond.

"Okay. I'm asking Stacy."

Phil still just sat there. Clint turned his head to the side to kiss his cheek. "You look like a ghost. I hate it. Love it when you're happy and smiling."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault. What do you want to do, you wanna lay down?"

Phil nodded.

Clint helped him up and to the bedroom. Once Phil was laying down and settled, Clint eased himself into a sitting position, back against the headboard. Phil took advantage of this moment and used Clint's thigh as a pillow. Clint looked down at the head in his lap. He gently carded his fingers through Phil's hair. "Gonna sleep?"

Phil shook his head.

"Tired though, huh? That stuff takes a lot out of you?"

He nodded.

Clint started running his hand up and down Phil's back, going down as far as he could without over stretching himself. Then he grabbed the remote on his nightstand. They had a TV in their room, they just didn't use it a lot. But Clint felt like they needed the background noise. After a while of watching Phil quietly, Clint let his head drop back, eyes slipping closed. "I'm calling Stacy."

"Okay." Phil's voice was meek and quiet, barely above a whisper.

Clint grabbed his phone, Stacy's number already pulled up. "Want me to leave?"

Phil's hand tightened its hold on Clint's thigh. Clint just stroked a hand over Phil's hair. He started the call. Stacy picked up on the second ring. "Hello?"

'Hey. It's Clint.'

She sat on the couch when she heard the tiredness in Clint's voice. "What happened?"

'Just. I have a question.'

"What is it?"

'Why is Phil afraid to listen to music just by himself, headphones in, just listening to it? He told me about everything else. The whole back story about the music thing. But then he said he's afraid to do it anymore. He won't say why.'

Stacy sighed. "When he was staying with me. He did it regularly, and while he was listening to music, no one was allowed to touch him. Just to make sure he didn't get startled. But one day. That's all he did. He didn't come out to eat, or get anything to drink. He just stayed in his room, listening to music. So, I went to go get him to at least drink some water. I broke my own rule. I shook him to get his attention. And that sweet Phil Coulson snapped right back into soldier mode and fractured my wrist. He felt so bad he locked himself in the room for a week before we could get him out. He still gets nightmares about it and is afraid to hurt someone again. He knows I don't care, I understand why he did it, but he just. Won't accept it. He swore off doing the one thing that helps him no matter what, just because he hurt someone he cares about."

'Wow. Thank you, this. I can work with this.'

"Glad I could help."

Clint thanked her again and then hung up. Stacy sighed, shaking her head slightly. Just then her son walked by. "What's wrong Mom?"

"Oh nothing. Your uncle Phil is just being an idiot again."

The boy shrugged and went on his way.

Clint put his phone down. He understood why Phil would want to keep this a secret and suppress it. Especially now since he's been shut down so many times. Made to feel insecure about anything he may want because of how many times people who he really cared about told him he was a burden. "Phil. It may not be a big deal to some people. But it's got a deep meaning for you. And there is no way you could hurt me more than hiding something from me that makes you happy."

"So now what? You know my sorry little secret."

"Say whatever you want about it, still doesn't make me think any less of you. Tell me about it. Why does it make you feel normal?"

"...Not only did my parents basically condition us to calm down with music. You can't see music. I could just. Close my eyes, and listen. I didn't feel like I was missing anything. I felt like I was back to the way I was before when I listened to music. Normal."

Clint wanted to hold Phil. So he slowly slid down until he could pull Phil on top of him, despite his chest and ribs still hurting. "Something else has you fucked up besides the fear of hurting someone again. Stacy and her husband. They're not the only ones who know."

"You're smarter than you give yourself credit for."

"And you're more fragile and delicate than anyone would think just by looking at you. So let me guess, someone you used to date said it was dumb or something?"

"Two. Two people. And. And I loved them. The first one, a nice woman. I loved her. And she said that I was a grown man and that I could suck it up and move on. That because I was a child when my parents did it with me it was a childish coping mechanism."

"Well. She's a bitch."

"Honestly she was. We broke up after that. And I had already been hurt a lot at that point, and she, kinda killed relationships for me a little. But I kept dating. Got hurt even more. Found a guy. Fell in love with him even though he kind of just, didn't pay much attention to me. Kept cheating on me because I wouldn't have sex with him."

"How did you fall in love with a guy like that and why'd you stay with him?"

"He came along at a time when I was. I gave up on dating. And he was, comforting. He reminded me of someone important to me that helped me through highschool. Haven't heard from him in a while. But he's supposed to be going to Stacy's for Thanksgiving. You'll meet him there. Anyway, the guy reminded me of him, so I fell in love with the comforting reminder really. And he basically told me it was dumb and that he'd have to take time out to just to sit with me and that'd be selfish of me to ask him to do."

"You. Have had. So much shit. Well guess what. I'm gonna take care of all of that. I'm gonna be the one that treats you like you deserve to be treated."

"You already are."

"And I always will be. But I need you to promise me one thing."

"What is it?"

"You have to tell me this stuff. Tell me when you feel shitty about something. And. One question?"

"I promise. Ask away."

"Are you. Are you in love with the guy he reminded you of?"

"Ew. Gross. Clint. Oh my god. What the fuck? No. Hell no. Absolutely fucking not. He's my fucking brother you ass." Phil had sat up after Clint asked. Now straddling his waist.

"Well I'm sorry. I didn't know you had a brother."

"Oh right. He's never been brought up before. You'll meet him on Thanksgiving. And after that I'll tell you all about him."

"Okay then. A brother. Alright, anyway I think I have some headphones somewhere." Clint started to shift around but stopped. Color was slowly coming back to Phil. And his eyes were showing more emotion and brightness. So he looked a little longer. Phil's cheeks then turned pink and tears slid down his face. Clint sat up as fast as he could.

He didn't expect Phil to push him back down and hug him. "How can you just accept it just like that?"

"Well because. You're right but thinking about it the wrong way. It's not a big deal, but not because I don't care or anything. But because I don't mind taking time out to make sure you feel like you're real. Like you're you. A real, normal person."

"I was so afraid you'd be fed up with me."

"You put me through the wringer, sure. But you had your reasons and they were legitimate reasons. I get it. And uh. Shouldn't we pack?"

"Thanksgiving at Stacy's. Flight tomorrow, you're right. I'll pack your bag. What do you want to take with you?"

"Phil, you don't have to."

"No it's fine. I said that I'd take care of you after we got my stuff out of the way with. So that's what I'm doing." Phil got up to get their bags from the closet in the hall, and Clint sat up again. They'd be staying with Stacy for a week for Thanksgiving. This was big for both of them. Clint would be meeting more of Phil's family than just Stacy. And Phil was going to see his older brother for the first time in a long time.

He hasn't been around a lot. Being a doctor too, he was usually busy working and didn't have time to be with the family like he wanted to. He just worked, ate, and slept, didn't have time for anything else. Phil and Stacy understood that and happily accepted him whenever he had time. He had a huge impact on Phil's life. Clint would probably really like the story behind Phil's older brother.

"Okay. We're staying for a week. It's Thanksgiving. Anything you absolutely want to take with you."

"Can I take my bow?"

"Your what?"

"My bow. I like having it with me when I'm away. It just, comforts me."

"Okay." Phil smiled back at Clint. "Which one?"

Clint couldn't help the small smile taking over. "We can swing by the tower to get it on the way."

"Okay."

Clint watched a little longer. Phil looked, like he was getting better, but also like he wasn't sure of himself. He wasn't as pale, eyes not as dull. He still looked a little weak, that was expected from the lack of sleep and food. And he would help but notice how distracted Phil looked too. Like he was daydreaming. "Phil. You wanna do it now?"

Phil seemed to deflate at that. Hopeful eyes reached Clint's gaze. "Can I?"

"Yeah. I should have some headphones, somewhere." Clint reached down to the bottom drawer of his nightstand, pulling out a pair of black and purple headphones. "Here babe."

Phil eagerly took them from him, immediately plugging them into his phone and putting them in his ears. Clint smiled and laughed. Phil looked as happy as a child on Christmas. Phil hugged Clint tight after the music started playing. Clint pulled him back when he stood and took [it one of the ear buds. "Just remember that Lucky and Natasha are walking around and Natasha likes to rub against legs."

"Okay. Anything else?"

"I'm going to the kitchen, I should be back in about, three songs, maybe less."

Phil smiled. "This is the first time you've ever seen me do this and you already know I keep time by how many songs finish."

"It just makes sense. Songs are about three to four minutes, so keeping time that way is just easier. If I'm not here by that time then I'm in the kitchen still."

"Okay. This won't take long."

Clint kissed Phil's cheek and eased himself up, heading to the kitchen. Natasha followed walking beside him or in between his feet. He made himself a sandwich, some juice, and a pain killer. He sat on the counter and helped Natasha up in his lap. He ate quietly, sharing little pieces of the food with the cat. She seemed pretty pissed at him when he took the last bite to finish it. He just smiled and shrugged, downing the pain killer and the rest of the juice.

He sat there for a while longer till he remembered Natasha was there too. Clint sighed, running his hand over her side. "I've got myself a piece of work, huh?"

The cat meowed, licking her paw and rubbing it over her face.

"Yeah. He can be a bit much over, kinda small things. But he has his reasons and that makes the small things huge."

Natasha stared at him with bright green eyes, almost like she had one brow raised at him.

One side of Clint's mouth quirked up in a smile. "He's so worth it."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sooo late. I know. I'm sorry

Phil came in shortly after Clint said that. His hand was on top of Lucky's head, probably getting the dog to lead him to Clint. Clint wanted to reach out but he didn't want to scare Phil. But then he remembered earlier in their relationship when he would walk up behind Phil and hug him. Which scared Phil because Clint walked silently. So he took a chance and reached out for Phil's hand.

Phil jumped and pulled his hand back but immediately calmed down right after. Clint took the hand held out towards him to guide Phil to stand between his legs. Phil hugged Clint's waist, resting his head on his chest.

This was pretty amazing actually. The fact that Phil trusted Clint to this extent. He trusted Clint with his senses, with his life basically. Trusted him to keep him safe. Clint was more than happy to let Phil do this. He was now one of three people on the entire world that Phil trusted enough with this. And it was just amazing. Now Clint was curious about something but he'd just wait till Phil was done. For now he rested his cheek on the top of Phil's head.

Lucky and Natasha went on their way to eat, and Clint guided Phil to the bedroom. He laid them both down, holding Phil. Feeling his muscles relax as time went by, his breathing slowing. Phil turned to lay on his back, thinking while random songs started and finished, going on to the next one.

He thought about how he acted, his meltdowns. How afraid hews of doing this, afraid of anyone finding out. About how those two people he loved ripped out his heart when they said this was stupid. How he hurt Stacy and locked himself away for it. He just. Thought about everything to try and find an answer to some questions he asks himself.

In fact. He was asking them now. Just ranting in the confines of his own mind. 'I've been hurt before, I've had all these things said before, treated all these different ways. So why did it still hurt when it happened, or when I think about it, even though I'm used to it? So used to it that I expect it to happen. Why can't I just live without this constant fear that he's going to hurt me even though I know he won't? I love him, and he loves me. Why can't I just let you love me and love you back without expecting a consequence?'

Clint turned onto his side and pulled Phil close to him. He gently eased the ear bud closest to him out. "Because you're human. Pain is pain whether you're used to it or not. Just because I was used to my dad hitting me doesn't mean it hurt any less each time. Every romantic relationship you've had, has hurt you. And they've all followed one of like three reasons. So of course you expect something to happen. You're not suddenly going to change and think that it'll be fine after all these years. All you need to do is cling to what you know for sure. I love you, and you love me."

"...I said that all out loud?"

"Yeah. But don't be embarrassed or anything alright? Can I tell you something that I hope will just. Maybe it'll help you with the fear?"

"Please do."

"After we shower."

"Clint."

"No no no. Don't hit me with the whining voice and the pout. Come on Phil. I'm meeting your family tomorrow."

Phil sighed. "Fine."

They showered together pretty quickly. Clint didn't pit on any clothes except his underwear and somehow managed to convince Phil to do the same. Clint made sure Lucky and Natasha were in the room before closing the door for the night. "Hopefully telling you this will help push the fears away." Clint waited for Phil to get comfortable before continuing. "You. Doing this. Blowing out, breaking down, crying, talking to me, telling me about your past, and showing me how you cope. It means. Everything to me. You trust me enough to, basically put your life in my hands. That's pretty much what you're doing when you take away your last sense that helps you get around and keep you safe. And you trust me enough to do that. know. About my childhood, teen years and so on. You know. That I. Thought k was worthless. Thought k wasn't gold for anything and that i was a waste of space."You

Phil pressed a little closer at that and gently rubbed Clint stomach, not wanting to agitate the bruises.

"You know all of that. And the fact that you trust me like that. That you depend on me. It makes me feel like I'm not useless. That I'm not just a failure. That I'm worth something. You don't realize how perfect we are for each other. I need you. As cliché as this is going to sound, it's true. You complete me."

Phil paused for a moment. "We can't really function without each other anymore. We're dependent on one another at this point. Which is fine to me. Because I love you. I'm in love with you."

"I'm in love with you too." Clint leaned in close, slowly. Giving Phil time to stop it if he wanted to, but he didn't. So they kissed. It was just pressing their lips together, but then it hit Clint. This was the first kiss they've shared in about a week,and now he just couldn't control himself. He straddled Phil's waist and cupped his cheeks with his hands. After that he didn't waste any time slipping his tongue into Phil's mouth and sliding it against Phil's tongue.

Phil was, a little shocked and unprepared for it but it didn't freak him out or make him uncomfortable, so he just took a minute to catch up. His own hands were loosely holding Clint's wrists. It didn't go further than that at all, they just kissed for a while. It would've gone on longer but Clint pulled away to yawn. Phil smiled and gently pushed Clint until he was laying on his back.

"Just wait till these bruises go away, Phil. We're gonna have some fun."

"We could still have some fun. I could do it for you. I could jerk or suck you off, or i could ride you-"

"You. Are such an ass Phil Coulson."

"I am not an ass. I have one and you love it."

"I do, it's a great ass."

"Thank you." Phil's hand drifted across the waistband of Clint's underwear, sometimes slipping a finger under slightly.

Clint groaned. "You always mess with me when I'm out of commission."

"It's funny. And besides, you know I always make it up to you."

"Yeah. You do."

\--------------------------------------

While they were stopped by the tower to get one of Clint's bows, Tony tried to convince them to let him fly them to Stacy's place. And for a moment they considered it. Because Clint said something pretty convincing. "Phil. How badass would it look? You've got this new boyfriend that makes you super happy and they're already super excited to meet me, besides Stacy. How amazing would it be if we showed up being dropped off by Tony Stark?"

Phil blinked. "No. If we do that. It's going to be very obvious that that's exactly what we're doing. Stacy's kids are young but smart. And ruthless. They'd call us out on it. Now come on. We have to catch our flight."

Clint held Phil's hand to guide him through the tower. They drove to the airport. Got through everything fine. Lucky and Natasha with then of course. Also easily getting through with their paperwork and licenses. They debated for a little while over who would get the window seat. Clint wanted to give it to Phil so he could listen to music and didn't have to worry about the person in the aisle seat jostling him. But Phil wanted to give it to Clint since Clint liked to look outside.

"Phil I can still see, and I have to help you anyway. So might as well make me the first one to get out."

"Fine."

Clint was the one to fall asleep on the flight, Phil couldn't sleep. He was excited to get to see his brother, but nervous at the same time. His brother could be. A bit of a flirt. A lot of a flirt and he was going to hit on Clint without a doubt. It was like he couldn't help it at all. But hopefully the older man would behave himself.

When they finally reached heir destination, Stacy was waiting for them at the baggage claim. She hugged Phil once they were standing in front of her, gently rocking side to side. "Everything's fine, right?"

"Yes, we've got everything under control. Happy Thanksgiving."

"Good. Happy Thanksgiving. Get your bags and let's go. You have to help me cook."

"Of course I do."

They got their bags and headed out to Stacy's car. She was holding Natasha, Phil was being led by Lucky, but rolling his own bag, and Clint followed after him. The drive was about an hour drive to Stacy's from the airport. Phil started fill Clint in on the family. "When we get there I am going to be attacked by two kids. Stacy's got a boy and a girl, twins. Both, 15. Jack and Jill."

"Phil Coulson you did not just do that."

"I'm kidding. I know my own niece and nephew's names. Strider and Skyla. Then there's Rick. He won't bother you too much."

"That's a lie he's going to interrogate you. And so are the kids. They're very straightforward and expect straightforward answers. Answer whatever you're comfortable with."

"You know what you're not supposed to answer."

"Yeah I know. So, I'll be safe?"

Stacy smiled. "Pretty much. But if you need to, be by yourself with Natasha for a while because it's a bit much or because it's moving a little too fast. You can just, get up and go to your room. No one will follow you except Phil."

Clint sighed in relief. A family was, kind of tricky for him. He didn't know, if they'd accept him and think he was right for Phil. "Okay. Thank you."

"No problem. But. Someone has to help me cook."

Phil groaned. "I already said that I would."

"Don't be a brat."

Phil stuck his tongue out at her. Clint smiled. Phil really was the youngest child. "Hey. How come you guys haven't told me about this mystery brother?"

"Who, Os-"

Phil cut Stacy off. "That's because. He's a surprise. Stacy. I asked you to please not give him away because Clint's reaction to him is going to be so much fun."

"Phil you're whining."

"You told me years ago that I could act like the youngest after having a bad week because of the stuff."

"Oh right. Brat away then."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::::WARNING::::  
> Trigger warning. Mention of past self harm

Finally they pulled into the driveway. Stacy had a kind of big, two story house. Clint didn't know how many rooms there was, but it was definitely more than three. As soon as the car turned off and Clint helped Phil out, the front door opened and a girl shot out, running straight for Phil and calling his name. "Uncle Phil!" she ram right into him, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

Clint kept Phil from falling back and surveyed the girl. She had a long blonde pixie cut, and was wearing skinny jeans and a plain T-shirt. She looked like she was about two or three inches shorter than Phil, so she was either 5 feet 6 inches, or 5 feet 5 inches. Phil hugged her back just as tight. "How are you? Did you cut your hair again?"

"Yeah I did. Go ahead and feel it."

Phil then proceeded to feel the girls hair. "Oh it's nice. Can I introduce you to someone?

Clint came back just as Phil said that. He and Stacy had left briefly to put the bags in he and Phil's room. In there he Clint met Rick. Nice guy, an inch taller than Clint, with brown, messy, layered hair. Now he was about to meet Phil's niece. But he hadn't made himself known yet, so Phil want sure where he was. "Clint!"

"Right here."

Phil tensed briefly. "It's a gravel driveway. How do you still manage to walk silently?"

"I've got too much skill."

Phil rolled his eyes. "Sky. This is Clint. Clint, Skyla."

The teenager smiled cheerfully and shook Clint's hand. But after that she glared at him. Silently judging him, looking him up and down. She nodded once and turned back to Phil. "I'm going to go get Strider."

"Okay."

After she was gone, Clint deemed it safe enough to talk. "I don't think she likes me."

"She's judging you. Trying to figure you out before you get interrogated. Strider is. Very friendly. Sky is the older twin by two minutes. You know they weren't born on the same day?"

"Are you serious? So she was born at 11:59 and as those two minutes passed he was born at 12:01?"

"Yep."

"Huh. That's cool."

Phil hugged him. "Don't worry, he's nicer. Way more open. Very. Very protective. You guys will probably get along."

"Well. Here he comes."

Strider didn't say anything when he ran out, just ran straight for Phil and hugged him. "Mom said you were being stupid yesterday. Is everything alright?"

"Yes I'm fine. Just had a little episode. Don't worry about it. How are you?"

"Good. Sky cut her hair."

"Yeah she told me. So what did you do to yours?"

"It's the same except the color."

"So. You've got. Your sides cut really short. Is the back cut short too?"

"No just the sides. I let the back grow out more."

"So it's not the same as last time."

The kid laughed. "I guess not. Okay. So the sides are cut. But the top and back are grown out. The top is pushed forward onto my forehead. And the back is just down the back. Can you guess the color?"

"You said it was navy blue last time. So let's see. Did you go bright?"

"No I kept it dark."

"Okay. Dark red?"

"Yep."

"Oh nice. Can I feel it?"

"It feels the same. But okay."

Strider bent over a little since he was the same height as Phil. "It does feel the same, except the back being longer than last time."

"You're going to hold that against me aren't you?"

"Yes. Yes I am. Now say hi. This is my boyfriend Clint. Clint, Strider."

The boy took his hand but pulled him in for a hug instead of just shaking it. That caught Clint off guard and he tensed a little. Strider seemed to notice and pulled back. "Sorry." He looked like he was going to run off but Phil grabbed his wrist.

"You can hug him Strider. He won't die. It just, be a little gentle with him, okay? Just, slow down a little bit."

The smile was back. "Okay. Welcome to the family. It's nice to meet you. I like you already because I know you've made my uncle very happy and all, and he's been super excited about this. When he told us he was coming this year with someone he was rambling on and on about how hot and funny and smart and-"

Phil cut off his nephew, covering his mouth with his hand. "Stop. I won't bring up the hair if you don't bring up that."

"Throw in about five bucks."

"Are you seriously blackmailing your own uncle in front of his boyfriend?"

"...Well yeah."

"Clint give me five dollars."

Clint choked on his laughter. "What!? Why my money?"

"You're my boyfriend. If I'm being blackmailed. You're being blackmailed. And my wallet's in my suitcase."

"Oh come on. Just let him tell me about how you basically swooned over me."

Strider laughed. "That's exactly what he did."

Phil pouted and crossed his arms. "I'm being ganged up on by my own family. Wow. Just wait till your other uncle shows up."

"Uncle Phil. Clint is hot as hell. You know what's going to happen."

Clint thought to himself briefly. 'A 15-year-old boy just called me hot as hell. And Phil didn't bat a lash.'

"Okay you're right. Fine. Betrayed by my own family." Phil started to walk away but Strider grabbed his wrist this time.

"Alright alright. I'm sorry. I won't tell him about how you raved about how great he is for half an hour. Anyway my point was. I already like you and all, Uncle Clint. But, you're still scheduled for interrogation sometime today." A sweet smile never left the boys face.

"That's fine by me."

Strider nodded at him. "Well I'm gonna go let you guys get all settled and stuff. Everyone will be downstairs. But wait. Uncle Clint you have a cat. Would it be okay if I played with her for a while?"

"Yeah go for it. You'll have to find her though. We just got here but she's probably already found a hiding spot. Lucky just went inside, follow him and you should find her."

"Thank you."

Clint nodded and watched the boy run back inside. "He called me hot."

"Yeah. I'll explain later. Come on." Phil took his hand and made his way inside. "Where's Rick?"

"I'm right here." Rick got up from the couch and walked over. He stopped when he reached, just standing there.

"What you haven't seen me in a year and you're not going to hug me?"

Rick laughed and hugged Phil. "I take it everything's fixed?"

"Yeah we've got it."

"Good. Stacy told me you know who, is a surprise for Clint here?"

"Yes he is. It's because think about how different he is from me and Stacy. And there's also his little, issue that everyone thinks is pretty funny."

"The reaction is going to be funny. But he's the same as you guys too. Just a lot more. Out there."

Phil laughed. "We're going to go get our stuff put away. See you in a bit."

Clint was starting to realize how close this family was and how open they were. It was a little unnerving how Strider just went ahead and called him Uncle Clint. He mentioned that while following Phil up the stairs to their bedroom of the 5 bedrooms. "He called me Uncle Clint."

"You can ask him not to. He'll stop."

"It's just. So sudden."

Phil didn't say anything back but sped up a little. When they got to their room, Phil pushed Clint onto the bed and climbed on top of him. "If it bothers you, I can tell him to stop."

"No I just. I've never really had, a. Family. Really. Not like this. Not so. Caring. Phil. What if they hate me? What if they start telling you they don't like me? What if I fuck up? And they hate me. And think I'm not good enough for you."

"I won't care."

"But they mean so much to you."

"I. Don't. Care. Will it hurt if they don't like you? Yes it will. Will it make me leave you? Absolutely fucking not. You're stuck with me, alright?"

"Okay."

Clint didn't sound okay. He sounded a little unsettled really. Scared. Phil cupped his cheeks. "What do you need me to do?"

"What?"

"Do you want me to go get Natasha and leave you alone for a while, or do you want me to just stay with you until we have to go down?"

"Natasha?"

"Of course. Here, sit up, get comfortable. I'll go get her alright?" Phil kissed Clint's cheek and left to go find Natasha. He could hear Lucky's tags jingling and followed the sound. The noise took him downstairs to the living room. "Strider?"

"Yes?"

"You still have Natasha?"

"Yeah."

"Could you hand her to me? Clint's kind of, upset, about something, and he needs her."

"Okay, yeah. Here. Is he okay?"

Phil took Natasha into his arms. "He should be, but. I don't know. He's never really been upset like this before. So I don't know."

"Could. Could I take her to him?"

"Um. You know what? It might help."

Strider took the cat back and walked upstairs. He gently knocked on the door. "It's Strider. I have Natasha with me. Can I come in, please?"

Clint gave him the okay and watched the boy come in. The first thing he did was hand over Natasha and then sat on the edge of the bed. Clint was sitting up against the headboard. He stared down at Natasha, gently running his fingers through her fur.

Strider looked very concerned. "Are you okay? I didn't freak you out did I?"

"Just. A little maybe."

"Uncle Phil said you were upset. He wouldn't tell me. And I won't ask, that's your own personal business. But hey. As far as I can tell, you're going to pass interrogation just fine."

"What if I don't?"

"You will. The only one that's going to give you crap is Sky. Uncle Phil. Really lost it, a few times. He wouldn't talk to anyone, wouldn't answer calls, lost all his trust in everyone. He just. Lost it all. So Sky. She doesn't mess around with his relationships. He means a lot to us and we just don't like him being hurt. Don't worry about it, you don't have to be scared."

Clint was, surprised to hear that from a kid that was basically a stranger. And it helped that part of his problem, but the whole. Family, thing. Still freaked him out.

"Hey, I can. Just. Leave you alone for a while. I know I'm a bit, much." Strider laughed. "Hope you get better. Later."

Clint watched the kid go, at a bit of a loss for words. When the door closed he sighed and dropped onto his side. He didn't notice when it cracked back open a little. So he did what he usually did when he felt like shit. Confided in his cat.

He gently rolled her onto her back, waving his fingers above her, playing a little while he talked. "I've never had a real family. I don't know, what a real family is, or how to function in one. You know that, I've told you this before. All I have is you, Tony, Steve, and now Phil and Lucky. But, besides you, Phil, and Lucky. I only have close friends. Not a real family like this."

The cat looked at him and went back to playing with Clint's fingers.

"He's a sweet kid. Accepted me immediately. That's messing with me. What if they accept me, but then I mess up?" Clint dropped his hand to think. Natasha meowed and pushed her head under his hand.

Clint curled in on himself and let Natasha tuck under his chin. Phil heard a sniffle and that broke him. He tried to get into the room but Strider pulled him back. They stayed quiet. Whispered. "Uncle Phil stop. You have to let him think through. Let him realize you won't leave him."

"That's not it, Strider. There's more to this that I can't tell you. Some personal stuff about his life. Let me go."

"I don't think you should."

"Strider. My boyfriend is in there, crying. Let me go."

Reluctantly Strider let him go and watched his uncle close the door behind him. He sat on the floor beside the door. He wanted to make sure Clint was okay, he was family. Family being hurt was not okay in Strider's book. So he'd wait patiently till they came out.

Phil was in the room, walking towards the bed. "Clint. Come here. Sit up."

Clint sat on the edge of the bed like Phil told him to. Phil stood between his legs and hugged him. "Let it out, baby."

Clint clutched Phil's shirt and cried. Phil just held him and stroked his hair. "It's a lot today. It's been a lot this week. After this, I want you to sleep for a while, while I help Stacy cook. Then I'll come back when you're ready. Just send Natasha for me. But for now. Just let it out."

Clint didn't cry for long, just about ten minutes. But he was glad he did cry. When he stopped crying he sniffled and laughed. "I messed up your shirt."

Phil smiled fondly. "That's fine. Sleep, think about it. Stick to me and distance yourself from the others for a little while. I will try to get you out of them talking to you today, but they'll probably just push it back till after we eat. Okay?"

Clint nodded. "Okay, thank you. You'll be okay without me while I sleep?"

Phil chuckled while he eased Clint back and crawled over him again. He pressed their lips together for a second. "Oh no I'm going to be devastated. I'm going to keep calling you and remembering you're up here, then I'm going to come up here and remember you're asleep. So you have to either come get me or send Natasha to come get me."

"Devastated, huh? Well I have an idea to fix that later."

"Is it sexual?"

"Actually no."

"Oh surprise surprise. Can't wait to find out."

Clint pulled Phil down for a quick kiss then let him go. He curled back up under the covers this time to do as Phil told him to do. Natasha took her spot on top of his head. Phil came back for another kiss, a deeper, longer lasting one. "Try to sleep good."

"Okay."

As soon as Phil came out, Strider was on him. "Is everything alright?"

"It's going to be fine. He's just going to sleep for a while, it's been a very stressful week for him, he's been under a lot of pressure. I told him to stick with me and kind of, try to stay away from everyone else until he's comfortable. You guys can still question him. But only after dinner. Come help me and your mom cook."

Strider nodded and followed his uncle to the kitchen. After telling Stacy about Clint they just got started on preparing the rest of the food. It didn't take too long and they had fun. They joked and laughed, and soon enough Rick and Skyla joined in to help. With four of them working together they finished much faster but it still took them a few hours. All they had to do now was put what they needed to in the oven.

Which was perfect timing because Phil felt Natasha rub against his leg. "Stacy. Do you have ice packs, or frozen peas?"

"Yeah, how many?"

"Three should do it."

Without another question Stacy handed over three bags of frozen peas. Phil stood there for a while. "Why?"

"You know who likes peas. So I have extra in case he wants more."

"Right. I'm equally excited and scared for when he shows up. Anyway, thanks for these. I'll come back down when he's here."

"Okay. No problem."

Phil hugged his sister and went back upstairs. Natasha and Lucky slipped in before Phil closed the door. Phil snuggled up to Clint's right side since his left ribs were bruised. Clint hummed when Phil kissed his neck. Just for that Phil did it again and again till Clint started asking him to stop.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just. Oh god, you just. You turn me on so much and I just can't do anything about it yet."

"Oh. Well I can do something about it later. But I'll stop for now. Here." Phil sat up to grab the bags of frozen peas that he had set on the bedside table. "They're cold, I know. Just bare it for a bit."

"It's fine."

Phil gently put the bags across Clint's chest and left ribcage. "You've been breathing okay, not too shallow?"

"Yeah everything's fine. Just hurts a little."

"I'm sorry."

"Phil. It's fine. I wanted you to do it. And besides. Now I know a little more about your classified skills."

Phil laughed and settled back down beside Clint. "So what'd you have planned?"

"Here." Clint handed over his headphones. "I was thinking your family might want to spend all the time they can with you. So maybe at night when we're going to sleep, you can listen to what you want. And I'll be here to hold you. It makes sure that I won't scare you because I'll already be touching you."

"Stacy said the same thing. I kind of want to leave one out so I can still talk to you."

Clint smiled. "Can we talk about why Stacy has so many bags of frozen peas?"

"It's for O-, my brother. He likes peas."

"Tell me about him?"

"Clint. It's a surprise. When you see him and look at the rest of us. You're going to be surprised. And the way he acts is different from us."

"He's the black sheep of the Coulson family?"

"Exactly. But we love him more than anything. He's. He's my protector I guess you could say. I'll explain more after you meet him, but what you have to know, is that he will watch you. Every single thing that you do. Is being watched by him. He, saved me in highschool. He saved me after the accident. He. Means. So much to me and I don't think I'd be me today without him."

"So. I have to get along with him or we might not work out?"

"Hell no. He's crazy. If you don't get along with him it'll suck but that's fine. I just need you to know that even if you guys don't get along I will not choose one over the other. That will never happen and I swear if one of you ever tells me I have to fucking choose I'll kick your ass."

"I'll never make you choose between me or your family. That's just. Not fair. I'm excited to meet him."

"You guys are kind of similar."

"Oh really. Do you think we'll get along? I mean. I think it'd be awesome to get along with. Your rock basically."

"Your my rock."

"I may be right now. But if something were to happen to me you'd ask him for help."

"Something like what?"

"Like. I don't know. An accident? Who knows, things can happen. But. I should not have brought that up. Uh. You said he was older?"

Phil actually laughed. "Such a smooth subject change. Yeah he's older. By a month. But older."

"By a month? That doesn't. Make sense."

"Think about it baby."

"Ooh. Bringing out the pet names. He's a month older than you. Adopted."

"Yes he is. He was in there. For a while. I told you I'd tell you after. Stop being so. Persuasive."

Clint laughed. "I didn't even do anything."

Phil laughed with Clint. They laid together for a while longer. Talking about nothing in particular. Phil running his hand over Clint's stomach.

"Hey Phil. You were asking the kids about their hair. Do they do that often?"

"Oh the hair thing. Strider. Has GAD. Generalized anxiety disorder. He's just constantly anxious for no real reason. When he's constantly worrying like that. Certain things he would worry about would make him, depressed. And he couldn't handle, all the feelings. He started, cutting. And I found out. So I suggested the idea since he likes hairstyles and doing hair and all that."

"Did you ask him about it?"

"Of course. When I asked what he meant by the feelings he said. It felt like this constant twisting and churning. Wrenching at his heart and his stomach. So he tried it. And he said the pain of the cuts distracted him from the pain in his heart and stomach. But now he copes by, doing the families hair. Drawing up designs or looking at different hairstyles. Skyla does it as much as he does to show her support of his new found coping mechanism."

"So. How long has he been doing the hair thing?"

"Two years. Started when he was thirteen."

"You've got a sweet family."

"It's your family too when you're-" Phil heard a familiar voice downstairs announcing their arrival. "He's here. Clint. He's here. He made it. Come on, let me help you up." Phil helped Clint sit up and then stand after moving the bags of peas.

"My shirt is wet."

Phil ran his hand over Clint's chest and left side gently. "Do you want to change it?"

"Is it a problem?"

"No it's fine."

"Then let's go."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I just realized I only have like three questions for Clint's interrogation. Suggestions?

Phil nodded and took Clint's hand to take him downstairs. When Clint caught sight of Phil's brother. He was, very surprised. Unlike everyone else in the house who were around the same height. This guy. Was the same height as Steve, but wasn't muscular like Steve. He was lanky. Tall and thin wearing a light blue button down, black slacks, and a white lab coat. He had medium length, dark brown, wavy hair. And it looks like the tips were black. Clint leaned in to whisper to Phil. "Does he dye his hair too?"

"Just the tips and sometimes as highlights or lowlights. Always has and always will."

"Oh. My. Phil. Phil you get the hell over here right now I haven't seen you in so long." The tall man wrapped his arms around Phil and Phil returned the hug. He pulled back to frame Phil's face with his hands. "How are you, how've you been, how're things going?"

"Everything's fine. I've been great. What about you?"

"Well I have great news. You remember when you got hit by a car?"

"Yes."

"So. The hospital that you went to. Guess who's being transferred there."

"...Seriously."

"Yes."

"You're moving to-"

"Oh hello. Who, is, this?"

The most intense eyes Clint has ever seen locked onto him. Bright amber eyes that looked as if they were glowing stared at Clint from behind simple black rectangular frames. The new guy kind of pushed Phil aside gently and stepped up to Clint in three long strides. He held out his hand to shake Clint's. "Allow me to introduce myself my name is Oscar. Oscar Coulson."

"Clint Barton."

Oscar let go of Clint's hand after a quick squeeze. Those bright eyes kept staring till finally he said something again. "You. Are. Just, gorgeously sexy. I would love to just. Completely rav-"

"Oscar!"

Stacy and Phil called their brother's name at the same time. The kids and Rick had already sat down to watch from the living room.

"What!? You know, you two are very rude. I'm trying to seduce this sexy stranger and you just, cut me off right before I could tell him I want to take him apart and ravish him."

"You're trying to seduce, tear apart, and ravish. My boyfriend."

Oscar opened his mouth and looked back at Phil. Then he looked at Clint and closed it. Again at Phil, and then Clint. He did this one more time. "Huh. Phil, your boyfriend's hot!"

Rick laughed. "Seriously Phil. Bringing someone as good looking as Clint. You should've expected the flirting. Since Oscar would flirt with a tree."

Oscar gasped like he had been betrayed. "You dared me to do that!"

"Yeah but you still did it."

"Anyway. Oscar this is Clint. Clint. Oscar."

"Phil. Nice. You've got a great piece of ass here."

"He is not a piece of ass. He's my boyfriend and you will not objectify him as a plaything."

"...He does have a great ass though."

"I know, doesn't he?"

Phil was walking to Clint and tripped over Natasha. Clint caught before he stumbled too much and pulled him to his chest. After Phil assured him he was okay Clint picked up Natasha.

Oscar was pleased to see this. And the cat. "Ooh. Kitty. May I?"

"Uh-"

Phil knew Clint was feeling uncomfortable so he stepped in and cut him off. He put a hand on Oscar's chest. "Hey Os. Where are your bags, let's put them in your room."

"Sure, but I have to check one thing." The cat had been set down to bother Rick, so Oscar took his moment. He pulled up Clint's shirt and Clint pulled it back down. But it was too late.

Stacy called out again. "Oz!"

"Phil I can't."

Phil immediately pushed Clint to a bathroom.

Stacy glared at the taller guy. "Oscar, what the hell? I told you Phil was bringing someone over that you're going to have to gentle with."

"Oh please. What kind of doctor would I be if I couldn't tell he had bruised ribs. His whole chest and left ribs are bruised actually." As he said this the tall man walked towards the closed bathroom door to listen.

Phil had Clint sitting on the sink basin, and was standing between his legs, holding his hands. "What happened?"

"He lifted up my shirt."

"He didn't mean it in a sexual way. He is a doctor. He probably noticed how you were moving and figured something was wrong. So he checked."

"He keeps watching me."

"I told you he would. At first he was flirting, yes. Because Oscar flirts with everyone he finds remotely attractive. And like he, Stacy, Rick, and Strider said. You are hot."

"What's up with that? Does everyone think I'm hot?"

"Yeah. Sky congratulated me when we were all getting the food ready."

"So?"

Phil laughed. "You'll have to wait to figure out the rest of that. Do you think you can make it?"

Clint took a deep breath. "Yeah he's just. I have to get used to him."

"You do. I'll tell him to. Tone it down!" Phil raised his voice at the last part.

Oscar answered back through the door. "Don't tell me what to do I'm older than you."

"By a month Oscar. One month."

"...So. Older is older. I want to apologize for being so weird. I'm just really tired and this is how I act when I'm tired."

"Oscar you're lying. You always act like this."

"...So."

"So you have to tone it down."

"...Why-"

"Because I said so. Now go put your bags away. And help Stacy set the table."

"...Okay."

Oscar's footsteps retreated and Phil sighed. "Don't worry. The first day he shows up is always the most annoying. After today it should mellow out."

"Okay. I can calm down."

"Like I said. Don't push it. But, try to maybe let them in, one at a time. You're afraid to let them down somehow but you don't seem to realize that you technically can't let them down. They don't know you, so they don't expect anything from you."

"You're right. Yeah, I'll be okay I think. It's just."

"It's just been a lot on you this past week I know. Take it easy. Let's get through dinner, then your interrogation, then we can do whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?"

Phil smiled and kissed Clint. "Whatever. You. Want."

"Then let's go eat."


	9. Chapter 9

Phil took the lead leaving the bathroom. It sounded like they were just finishing setting the table and Phil made sure that Oscar was not sitting next Clint right now. Going clockwise. Rick and Stacy were sitting next to each other. Next to Stacy was Phil, then Clint. Strider sat beside Clint with his sister next to him. Lastly, Oscar sat between Rick and Skyla. After thinking about it Phil realized that Oscar was across from Clint. But Clint seemed fine, so it was okay.

They let Oscar be in charge of cutting the turkey because, he threw a hissy fit about it. The side dishes were past around after till everyone had their food. Being left handed, Clint was trying not to cause a problem bumping into Strider. While a conversation picked up Phil leaned over to whisper to Clint. "How're you holding up?"

"Fine. Just, trying not to bump into Strider."

"Scoot closer to me. The whole left handed thing isn't new for us. Oscar's left handed and Strider's ambidextrous. He likes to switch it up. He probably will sometime during dinner."

Clint shifted closer to Phil and threw a glance toward Oscar. Sure enough, left handed. Phil curled his hand around Clint's thigh to comfort him. Everyone presumed eating till they were all done. Phil was right, halfway through Strider switched to his left hand. Much to the annoyance of his sister. They sat for a whole longer till Rick deemed it interrogation time. Stacy and Phil left leaving Clint stuck with the rest of the family.

Oscar started. "This is pretty basic. We ask you questions and you answer. If you lie we will know and we will hurt you. So I'll start. Who tops?"

"I'm not allowed to answer that."

Oscar shook his head. "Of course not. Who's next?"

"Do you love him?" Skyla didn't speak much. But now she spoke up without a problem.

"Yes."

"Enough to deal with his episodes?" Strider was being nice. He knew that his uncle did have an episode earlier in the week and that Clint had helped him through it. That must be why Oscar found bruises on Clint's chest.

"Yes. I would never hold them against him. He can't help it."

Skyla looked him straight in the eyes. "You know about his past relationships?"

"Yes."

"You know about how he was emotionally and verbally abused?"

"Yes."

"What do you think about it?"

"I don't understand why anyone would treat him badly enough to mess him up this much."

Rick didn't really feel like going through this whole thing when they all just wanted the same answers. "It's clear what we all want to know. We just want to make sure that you're not like the others. That you're not going to use him and treat him like shit and say fucked up things to him. Because he just does not deserve that. Now I know that you won't do that to him. He just had an episode about something only me and Stacy know, but he trusted you enough to tell you and you accepted him without a problem. Steve would not have tried to set you guys up if he didn't know this was the best idea in the world."

"And I already told you that I've accepted you because you make him happy and we haven't seen you do anything to make us not like you. I also know that you guys need each other."

Clint knew that he really had one person to prove anything to here. So he braced himself to look Oscar in the eyes. "I. Love him. He means so much to me and I would never intentionally hurt him. And if I accidentally hurt him. I will gladly take ten times the pain, just to make up for it."

Oscar grinned. "Clint Barton. Welcome to the family."

"Are you guys done yet?"

Everyone turned back to look at Phil standing on the steps. He had a lollipop in his mouth and was holing three more.

"Phil. You found my lollipops?"

"Of course I did. You didn't hide them. You put them in a plastic bag on top of all your clothes."

"You can't just take them."

"Why not? I just did."

"You an your damn oral fixation. You always steal my candy."

"Oh please. Like you weren't going to use them to get me to do stuff for you anyway."

"That's besides the point."

Phil crunched on candy in his mouth while he just, stared, at Oscar. "No it's not. Are you done?"

"Uncle Phil, you're so eager to get him back."

"Well Sky. He is my boyfriend. And he does have to sleep."

Rick scoffed. "Oh ho. Clint's got a bed time?"

"I do not."

"Are you guys done or not?"

Strider stood. "Yes we're done. You can take him. Goodnight everyone."

They bid Strider a goodnight, and Rick went up after. Before Skyla went up she asked Clint a question. "You promise you won't hurt him?"

"Never intentionally."

She nodded and actually hugged him. After that it was just Oscar, Phil, and Clint still down stairs. "Come on Clint. I promised."

"Coming."

Phil smiled and waited till Clint was next to him to whisper. "You will be."

"Wow Phil."

"Goodnight Os."

"Goodnight. Have fun."

Phil threw a smile over his shoulder, not surprised that Oscar figured him out. Once in their room Phil sat across from Clint so they could talk first. "Okay. Oscar Coulson. Adopted by my family when I was in highschool. I was bullied, I was just that kid that got picked on for everything. Stacy was there to, basically make sure nothing too bad happened. Sometimes my bullies got physical, she got physical too. So, she's three years older than me. She was a senior, I was a freshman. She was going to be graduating. And I would be stuck to fend for myself versus, almost everyone. My parents, did not want that happening. And they also new that there was a kid in the adoption center that was my age and that no one was even paying any attention to him. This gets a little close to your past, do you want me to stop?"

"No, go ahead. Maybe knowing will help me get used to him."

Phil smiled and kissed him softly. "Oscar's parents, died in a car accident when he was five. They were arguing, over him, and his dad lost control, the car flipped multiple times till they laded back on their wheels, but the control was long gone and when trying to steady the car, they ran right into a wall. Both parents were only children, and both grandparents on both sides were dead of old age. So, no immediate family, landed him in foster care."

"So, why didn't he get adopted until 10 or 11 years later?"

"Oh he got adopted. Lots of times. But, it seems that every family that adopted him, ended up arguing over him, splitting up, and landing him back in foster care. It went on till finally he got to an age that no one really wanted to adopt at. So he just stayed in there. Then my family came along. Stacy leaving school devastated and scared the shit out of me. So my parents thought, kill two birds with one stone. Give a kid no one seems to want a home, and keep our other son safe in the process. Oscar was brought into this family to give him a home that he deserved, and to protect me. We were the same age and got the same grades on everything so we typically had the same classes, not always together though. But we would pass each other in the halls, and that's how he'd watch me. Now he acts liked he's fine. Just a huge weirdo flirt. But there is one thing that just, cripples him, scares him, and he will not tolerate it at all. What do you think it is?" Phil picked up another lollipop.

"Commitment? Every family he's had has broken up, so he probably thinks relationships don't last. That's why he flirts so much?"

"Good guess, but no. He flirts a lot because he's a flirt, simple as that. Oscar can commit and devote himself to one person. He has before, and they just didn't work out. No Oscar has another problem. Any other guesses? Think about it."

Clint thought about all the information Phil shared. "I don't know."

"Arguments. Or just yelling at someone out of anger. Don't, ever, argue with anyone in front of him, or where he can hear. Because he does not take that shit anymore. Me and Stacy were yelling at each other once and he just snapped. You don't want him yelling at you, you will never feel more guilt in your life."

"So arguments trigger, his emotions."

"Yeah he gets pretty crazy. Or he gets scared and hides. Depends."

"What if we argued?"

"He'd be scared, then probably try to guilt trip us into calming down. Then sit us down and use his 'dad tone' to scold us. Or yell."

"Dad tone?"

"Really calm and slow like he can pop off any second. Just wait. You'll see. The twins will probably argue about something."

"We, do have similarities then. The adoption thing, we can really connect from that."

"You could. Now you know. But I want to know. What you want." Phil started to kiss Clint's neck, stick of the candy rubbing against Clint's throat.

Clint hummed. "Honestly. I kind of just want to lay here with you. Talk."

"Okay. Just let me get more lollipops from Oscar."

After a quick kiss, Clint watched Phil go across the hall to Oscar's room. Clint closed his eyes to wait. When Oscar let Phil in he already knew what his little brother wanted. "You came for more lollipops didn't you?"

"Of course. What do you want for them?"

"Let me borrow your phone and let's talk about Clint for a bit."

"Why my phone?"

"Because mine is dead and I can't find my charger. Phone. Give."

Phil rolled his eyes but gave Oscar his phone. This was all going according to Oscar's plan. He found Clint's number and texted him.

Clint's phone vibrated on the bedside table. It was a text from Phil. 'Hey. It's Oscar. I asked Phil to borrow his phone. I'm going to call you. I want you t just. Listen. I know that you're afraid of possibly losing him because we might not approve of you. But hopefully this will help.'

Sure enough the call came shortly after he sent back an okay. He could here Phil and Oscar talking.

Oscar sat beside his brother on the bed. "After you talk to me I'll give you more candy."

"You anted to talk about Clint. What about him?"

"Well first of all. He's pretty damn hot."

"I've been told by everyone that he is."

"So. How good is he?"

Phil smiled. "In what sense?"

"In every sense. How good is he in bed, how good is he as a person, how good does he treat you. How good is he?"

"He's not good. He's amazing. In every way."

"Who tops?"

"If he wasn't allowed to say. What makes you think I'll tell you?"

"I will withhold the candy from you."

"...That's a low blow. You know I can't help it. I have to, do something with my mouth when I'm not talking."

Oscar let out a quick laugh. "You could suck Clint."

"I could. But I can't do that in front of people now can I?"

"I suppose not. Really it's important. Just tell me."

Phil sighed. "He does."

"Is he making sure you're okay during, you know, taking care of you, making sure you're comfortable?"

"Yes Oscar. He doesn't just take. He's not treating me badly. He looks out for me but doesn't treat me like I can't do anything. He's completely opposite to the others. He's, what I've always wanted. What I need."

Oscar couldn't stop his smile. He's never seen Phil so utterly happy. "What if I don't like him? Or anyone else in the family doesn't like him?"

"That would suck. I'd just have to keep you guys apart."

"I know that this probably came up earlier today since he seemed so afraid of me. I also know how you think. But I want to hear it myself. What if I asked you to chose?"

"I'd hate you." Phil's answer was immediate. He didn't have to think about it at all. "I would hate you, and if you ever actually ask me to do that, I know I'd pick him."

"You'd pick him over me?"

"If you asked me to chose, yes. If he asked me to chose, I'd pick you guys. I told him that whoever asks me to do that is getting their ass kicked."

Oscar laughed. "I raised you right."

"You didn't raise me."

"Oh whatever. As long as you love each other and treat each other right. I'm happy. So happy for you. You've finally got what you deserve."

"And so does he. I have to get back to him, so give me candy."

"Ugh. Our parents should've dealt with this, because now you've got this obsession and you won't stop. But wait. I know you don't start doing it around your lover until you're comfortable with them. So when did you do it until now?"

"At work. Chewed or sucked on a pen."

"Oh. Well here you go. Have fun having sex."

"We're not going to. He's not up for it tonight."

"Probably because of his ribs hurting."

"He volunteered. Give me my phone."

"Goodnight Phil."

"Night." Phil closed Oscar's door behind him and went back to his own room. "I made sure to get grape for you."

"Well aren't you just the sweetest."

Phil crawled into bed after putting the lollipops on the side table. He opened one of the drawers to grab the remote and turn on the TV, just to have some background noise. After that, Phil settled in Clint's lap and leaned back against the wall since the bed was in a corner. 

Clint dropped his head on Phil's shoulder. "Hey."

"Hi."

"Question."

"Yes?"

"Is there a story behind the fixation?"

"Kind of. You know how every kid goes through a stage where they put everything in their mouth all the time."

"Yeah."

"Well. My parents waited too long to wean me out of that stage. So, it just stuck with me."

Clint hummed and pulled out his phone to look into it himself. "As long as it keeps you from grinding or clenching you're teeth."

"I can't help it if I do it in my sleep."

"I know. You've never done it in your sleep before though."

"No, so I should be fine. How are you, tired?" Phil had an arm around Clint, gently scratching his hair.

"Just a little. It took you a while to come back, what happened?" Clint asked even though he was listening. Hearing Phil say it while he was there really calmed him down about the whole situation.

"Oscar wanted to talk a little."

Clint nodded. They sat comfortably in silence with the TV playing in the background. Phil didn't notice that Clint had dosed off on his shoulder until he heard a quiet little snore. A cute little snort and then Clint snuggling closer, pressing his nose to Phil's neck. Phil chuckled and kissed Clint's hair. Clint only snored when he was really tired, which was expected since he's been doing so much lately.

Phil didn't want to wake him up, so he got himself comfortable, and threw away his lollipop stick in the trash beside the bed. He'd deal with Clint's stiff neck in the morning.


	10. Chapter 10

Phil woke up when he heard scratching at the door followed by some whining. He noticed that they hadn't moved all night, still in the same position. But he dint dwell on it, because he had to let Lucky out to do his business. Clint woke up when he moved and groaned about his neck, then asked Phil where he was going.

"I have to let Lucky out."

"I'll come with." Clint followed Phil out of the room, downstairs, and to the backyard. Lucky ran around the pool to a corner to take care of himself.

"How's your neck?"

"It's okay. Just hurts if I turn my head."

Phil hugged Clint, kissing him softly. "I'm sorry. You were so tired, I didn't want to wake you up."

"No it's fine. Do you think anyone else is up?"

"Maybe Strider, or he should be up soon. Oscar and Sky are probably sleeping in late, and Stacy and Rick should be up sometime after Strider. So, it's just us for now. Let's go brush our teeth, and get some breakfast."

After brushing their teeth they came back downstairs and headed to the kitchen. Phil found the cereal and the bowls and let Clint pour the milk. Phil sat on the counter, Clint taking his spot standing between Phil's legs, back to Phil, letting the counter support his weight.

When Phil finished eating, he put down his bowl and kissed the side of Clint's neck that hurt. Clint hummed, finished eating, and put the bowls in the sink. He did not expect Phil to bite his neck when he took his spot back, so he made a little noise of surprise. 

Phil chuckled and did it again, dragging his teeth against skin. He than kissed the spot and up Clint's neck to his ear. Clint bit his lower lip as Phil licked the shell of his ear and sucked on the lobe. He whispered to Clint. "Turn."

Clint turned to face Phil and kissed him. Phil then stopped the kiss, pushing back a little. "Doing that while we're here might not be a good idea."

"You're the one who keeps starting it."

"Yeah yeah. Turn back around."

After Clint turned back around, Phil got to work pressing out the tension in Clint's neck. Clint sighed and let out a little moan but kept quiet the rest of the time. When Phil was done, Clint turned his head sighed. His neck didn't hurt anymore. Phil was not prepared for the onslaught of kisses and thank yous. He just laughed and accepted them. When Clint finally stopped they heard Lucky run up stairs, and back down. "Strider's up."

A bit later Strider walked in bleary eyed with bed hair. He hugged Phil and kissed his cheek saying good morning. Then he just hugged Clint and said good morning. After saying good morning back, Phil and Clint went to the living room to watch TV. Clint sat against the arm and Phil sat beside him. Slowly everyone else woke up and trickled in. They all settled on the couches after eating and spent the day watching TV together.

As the day went by, Clint noticed how everyone was commenting on people they thought were good looking. And now he had a question for Phil. But he kept to himself till it got late and everyone was retiring.

Phil was in one of the bathrooms upstairs when he heard Clint and Oscar. "Hey. I want to thank you, for what you did last night."

"I just want us all to have a good time. I know what it feels like to be afraid to let everyone down. Or at least to feel like it's all my fault. I saw how scared of us you really are. I didn't want you to worry about that for the entire time that you're here, first time meeting the family. So I got Phil's phone, and called you so that you could get some peace of mind. You may still be all jittery about trying to make a good impression but at least you know for sure that he's not going to leave you. He told you about me right?"

"Yeah. Told me about your past up to when your parents adopted you. And actually. I. I've been through the same. In and out of foster care."

"Then you know why I was there. Is it too much to ask why you were there?"

"My dad. Was an abusive alcoholic. He was driving drunk with my mom in the car."

"Both of our parents, gone in a car accident. But you seem like a great guy, no one wanted you?"

"I was trouble. Didn't want to listen to any more authority or anything like that."

"You were just a kid. Your dad ruined adults and authority figures for you. How old?"

"Like five."

"...Well aren't we just about the same. Look you're great. You make him so happy. I don't have a problem with you at all." Oscar hugged Clint, he felt like it was the right thing to do. While hugging Clint he continued. "But please. I'm begging you. Please be careful with him. I was brought into this family to protect him. I was his doctor during the accident. And I'm going to be his doctor again since I'm getting transferred to the hospital closest to you guys."

"He's going to love that. You might move into our building."

Oscar laughed and pulled away. He kept his hands on Clint's shoulders and looked him right in the eyes. "If you hurt him like how the others have. I'll fucking kill you. If it was an accident, fine, but if you hurt him in a way that you know he's been hurt before. I'll go to jail for him. I will find you. And I will, fucking kill you."

"I already said I'd take the pain I caused him if I ever hurt him."

"I've said this once already. But welcome to the family."

"Thank you."

Phil washed his face to get rid of some of the tears. After he heard Oscar's door close he knew Clint was in their room. When he walked in Clint immediately walked up to him. "Phil what's wrong, what happened?" Natasha came over too to see what was going on.

Phil shock his head and smiled. More tears spilled from his eyes. "You and Oscar. I heard you guys talking. I'm just really happy."

Clint pulled Phil close and cupped the back of his head. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Clint wiped away Phil's tears with a smile. Phil had this relieved, happy smile on his face. It made Clint happy. He helped Phil to bed. Cuddling with him, Natasha slept above Phil's head. "Phil can I ask you something?"

"You just did. But you can ask another one."

"Everyone in this house has called me hot."

"Well. You are. But I know what you're getting at. Coincidentally. All the Coulsons are bi. I'm bi, Stacy's bi, Rick and Oscar, bi. Sky and Strider. Bi. All of us."

"How?"

"I don't know. But it's all different. Strider prefers guys like I do. Rick and Stacy prefer women. And Oscar and Sky just doesn't care."

"Stacy prefers women?"

"Yes but she just ended up with Rick instead of a woman."

"...That's. Kinda weird. Not in a bad way, just. Interesting."

"Yeah. We're weird."

"That's fine though. Weird is good."

The rest of the week was like that day. Quiet, watching TV, bonding, making jokes. Just being a family. Clint had eased his way into it and was actually loving this. He thought Sky didn't like him or something but she was just quiet in general. Throwing in sly comments when everyone least expected it. Strider was his upbeat self from the start and stayed that way throughout.

Clint, Rick, and Oscar kind of worked out together in the mornings while Stacy and Phil just talked mostly, sometimes joining in. Strider and Sky also did a few times. Then the whole circus thing slipped out and they all headed out back to the pool to watch Clint, perform really.

The look of disbelief and shock made him laugh when he said Phil could match him. Apparently Phil's family didn't know that Phil had skills like that. But they do now. And Clint knows now that he has a family.

And will have one for the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Any comments appreciated


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